Feelings Going into Mongolia

When I was invited to Mongolia at the end of February, I was surprised because Mongolia wasn't a country I'd been nominated for, and I was uncertain of what to expect. I didn't know anything about Mongolia except what I learned for a report I wrote about Genghis Khan years ago. Immediately after accepting it was a rush to get the passport forms and other urgent paperwork in. But the more I read about Mongolia, the more excited I got, until I really couldn't imagine getting invited to any other country. It was all good for two whole months, with only a couple of moments of worry that something could happen before June - some sudden illness or injury or something. One of my friends was all set to enter the Marines in March when he sprained his ankle and boot camp got put off a month. If that happened to me, well, I'd already become endeared to Mongolia even though I'd never been there!

But in early May, even though I was still excited, the anxiety really stepped up. One day I went to the store and while walking down a random aisle, I suddenly stopped, got butterflies in my stomach, and just thought, "Holy ****! Mongolia! June 2nd!" It wasn't a panic attack, but it was just like it had all suddenly "hit" me. Most of the time the future creeps onward at a steady pace, but at that moment it was rushing down on top of me. Since then almost every day I've had one moment where I just stopped whatever I was doing, got this feeling like I'd had too much coffee, and inwardly screamed "Mongolia!"

Not to sound morbid, but I think of it as like a little death. In the case of death you have to make the most of your time alive - think seriously about what you want to do, and do it - because you're going away for a long time and you can't take anything with you. I have to make the most of my time in America, because I'm going away for a long time and I can't take much with me. I want every minute to be the most memorable, emotional minute ever. Now, I've also gotten frustrated because I feel like I've wasted all of the free time I've had for the last couple of years of under-employment, and that I've got to live two years in two weeks. Of course overall, my outlook has been positive. Major life changes bring every kind of emotion, don't they?